LOUISVILLE,
KY. Taco Bell has just announced the newest item on its ever
expanding menu, an over night laxative to get rid of the regular
constipation usually brought on by their food. A box of 150 tablets
of the new laxative sells for $5.99 at most stores. “We have been
trying to address the concern our customers have about how our food
reacts inside their digestion system, and we think the new laxatives
handle the problem very well” said David Novac, CEO of Yum Brands,
the parent company of Taco Bell. A select group of test markets have
already gotten to experience the new selection, and so far the public
reaction has been positive. Ocean to Ocean caught up to a few of the
customers in front of a Taco Bell in Duquesne,
Pennsylvania −
one of the test markets −
to get reactions to the new product. “Its really a time saver to
buy some food than have something to solve the problem of it fucking
up my digestive tract” said Rick Medford, 23 “Props to Taco Bell
for being smart enough to introduce one stop eating” he added.
Another customer had a completely different reaction to the laxative
“Why does Taco Bell care? Sure, there food makes it hurt to shit
for a week, but it isn’t any of there business weather I suffer or
not” said Randy Yumek, 31. We tried to get a follow up statement
from Yumek, but he immediately ran off to the restroom for an hour.
Within one week of the product being available in the test market,
sales have have been a success for the company. Responding to the
laxative, McDonald’s has announced that it will begin adding
Metamucil to all its drinks in the next month.
ABOVE: A 150 count box of Taco Bell's new laxative.
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