Unemployment
rises due to laziness
WASHINGTON,
DC. The latest job report states that the unemployment rate has gone
up again, this time due to people being too lazy to get jobs. “This
is really depressing, there are plenty of jobs around, but people
would rather sit at home and drink beer than work” said White House
economic adviser Alan Krueger. “ I would work, but my Dad lets me
live here rent free, and the TV networks keep making too many good
shows” said Kevin Huntsfield, 43. People expected unemployment to go
down in the summer when all the good shows go into reruns for a few
months, but they weren't reruns to some people.
Coca-Cola™
introduces
Coke™
with
crack
ATLANTA,
GA. Drink manufacturer Coca-Cola™
has
introduced a version of their classic beverage with a hint of crack.
Coke™
with
crack is expected to hit test markets next month. “We think the new
drink combines the great smooth taste of Coca-Cola™
with
the rough body altering of crack” said a company spokesperson.
People are excited about the new drink and expect to enjoy the great
taste and power of crack all in one.
School
is not “cool”
SEATTLE,
WA. The results of a recent study show just what most expected;
School isn’t as cool as many have previously thought. “For years,
many have thought the phrase ‘School is Cool’ is true, but we now
know that there are things much cooler” said Professor Knoll. The
study says that things such as going to the mall and having relations
with people are much cooler and should be done more than going to
school.
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