By: Tom Woolworth
Really bad driver.
Every time I go driving somewhere, I always get stuck behind some asshole that drives the speed limit or uses the HOV lane when they have a whole family in their fucking minivan. I can't stand people who use common courtesy and are polite on the road. Everybody else on the road should drive like a jackass too.
A few days ago, I was driving south on I-92 and some dipshit thought it was a good idea to pull in the farthest right lane and only drive 4 MPH over the speed limit. Give it some gas! It’s the pedal on the right motherfucker! I was sure to give him a piece of my mind when I flipped him off after I passed him doing 88. I’m not sure what ever happened to this bastard, but doing 68 in a 65 is a good way to get run off the road. Right after that, I was on a four lane road that turned into 2 lanes and I was behind some piece of shit Honda that was going only 5 miles over the speed limit. I wasn't going to get stuck behind this bozo for the next 2 miles so I just whipped around him on the shoulder doing 65. This asshole got all pissed off and started screaming swear words at me. Hey, it’s not my fault you don’t know how to drive like an asshole as well.
The thing that probably pisses me off the most is those people who use their turn signals when they turn. Whoa, TMI dude. Nobody needs to know where you are going. Nobody. Ever. Why should me or anybody else ever care when you are going to turn. I’m all for free expression and being open about who you are, but when you are driving, it’s important to be selfish and act like you are the only person on the road. Speaking of turns, if you turn doing less than 45, it’s too slow! I don't care if the curb will hit your bumper, suck it up and get a better car. I drive a Chevrolet Suburban and it can take a turn without slowing down. Hell, sometimes I’ll even speed into a turn just to be a pain-in-the-ass to everybody around me. Last week, I turned into a residential neighborhood doing 55 and everything was fine. Who cares if the corner of Ash St. and 7th Ave East doesn't have a stop sign anymore, they have more. As for that kid on a scooter, he’s young, his leg will heal in no time. I’m a fucking moron and if everybody drove like me, the world would be a safer place to live. Hell, I wrote this whole article and submitted it to Ocean To Ocean while I was driving, and only caused 13 minor accident and 2 major ones. Hooray for driving stupid!
